Growing up I spent so much time and energy trying to hide who I was because I bought into mainstream society’s beliefs about what it means to be gay.
I saw myself as less than, weak, disgusting, defective and simply not good enough. I constantly measured myself up against straight men and my internal belief system told me I wasn’t adequate.
After many years of working through my own shame around being gay and processing my own internalized homophobia, I began to see the light within me. People always told me I had this light but I wasn’t allowing it to shine because shame told me to dim my light.
A lot of this work came down to me accepting myself for exactly who I am, and an aspect of that was being a gay man.
I now see being gay as a beautiful gift I have been given. The gift of being different and finding strength in that difference. The gift of being able to pull myself out of many years of suffering and redeeming myself as someone who I am proud of today.
Being gay to me is a small part of who I am. It makes up an aspect of my self-concept and in certain environments it may play a larger role, but all in all it’s just one part of who I am.
However, this part of who I am makes people relate to me differently and I am aware of this and have been my whole life. I have had to navigate this journey with many challenging emotions but I am a man with a ton of depth because of it.
I want to share the top 5 best things I’ve experienced that make being a gay man so awesome:
1. More opportunities to get in touch with our feminine energy
As gay men, we have more opportunity to tap into our feminine energy if we can overcome the conditioned shame we may have around being effeminate. In some indigenous cultures, they describe aspects of connecting with more than one gender energy as being “two spirited”. This is a term that really resonates with me so I wanted to share it with you. For more information on what it means to be two spirited check out this video:
As gay men, when we are more in touch with our feminine energy, heterosexual people tend to come to us for advice because we can be so good at understanding the needs of the masculine and feminine energy. I know women are drawn to me for this reason and they feel safe with me because of it.
As straight men become more comfortable with their sexuality and let go their binding shame, my prediction is we will see more and more gay and straight men in friendship. Gay men can offer a fresh perspective into the feminine energy that will help them understanding woman in a whole new way. This will increase intimacy required for men and women to flourish in a love that fulfills both partners.
We endure suffering from a young age and this has a profound impact on us.
When someone has an addiction they go to rehab. They recover and come out of it with more self-awareness and a depth to their being they didn’t have before.
We have this experience as gay men and we are given an opportunity to develop self-awareness through a trying time in our lives.
There is so much power in our suffering that as gay men if we choose to use this power, we can be accelerated into consciousness very quickly.
We can use our suffering as motivation to create the inner world that makes us feel joy and love. Some people don’t get this experience in this life because their life isn’t overshadowed by suffering so there isn’t a motivation to go as deep within and develop this that level of self-awareness.
3. You get to fall in love with your best friend
This is my favourite aspect of being gay. There’s just something about two men coming together and sharing that bond that is so amazing. Gay couples have a tendency to think more similarly than that of their heterosexual counterparts. This isn’t always true, but in my experience the gender barriers don’t tend to come up as much in gay relationships.
Attracting a man who loves to do all the things you love to do can be such a great way to share time together. Something about that masculine energy coming together that can be familiar and satisfying.
4. Double wardrobe
Let’s be honest guys, this one is fucking epic. Doubling your wardrobe has to be the best thing about being a gay man in a relationship. It’s like a shopping spree in your boyfriends closet when you first meet. Yippee!
But don’t forget to respect the rule of new clothes and let the novelty wear off a bit before you go trying to snag your partners apparel lol.
5. Choose your own adventure
You get to choose the lifestyle you want without having to feel as much pressure from people. The beautiful thing about living an alternative lifestyle is the freedom that comes with it.
If you want to get married and have kids, great. If you want to travel the world, great. If you want to be in an open relationship, great. If you want to stay single and have random sex for the rest of your life, great.
I feel like there is much less judgement and pressure to be a certain way when you’re gay. No one is breathing down your neck asking when you’re getting married and having kids. We’re already different so people aren’t putting as much pressure on us to fit into social norms.
Being gay is a beautiful thing when we let go of the shame that holds us hostage to thinking we aren’t good enough.
Are you focusing your attention on the pros or the cons of being gay? Where you draw your attention will determine the outcome of the experience you have. If you want a positive experience focus on all the opportunities there are in being a gay man.
If you find yourself caught in negative thoughts about being a gay man, sit down and make a list of the things you might be overlooking about being gay. Make your grass greener on the other side by watering it with your attention to positive things.
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