Dating as a demisexual man can feel confusing, discouraging, or even lonely, especially in a culture that often prioritizes speed, performance, and casual connection.
One of the biggest challenges is finding people who actually want to relate in ways that involve emotional intimacy, patience, and depth.
Because sexual attraction for demisexual men tends to grow after an emotional connection is established, dating often requires more intention and discernment. The good news? When you date in ways that honour your wiring, relationships can feel far more satisfying, authentic, and nourishing.
Below are nine tips to help you navigate dating as a demisexual man—without abandoning yourself in the process.
1. Be Upfront About Your Demisexuality
Demisexuality means that sexual attraction develops after emotional bonding, not before.
Being honest about this early on helps set realistic expectations and filters out people who are looking for something very different.
You don’t need to overexplain or justify yourself.
A simple statement like “I tend to develop attraction through emotional connection” is enough.
The right people will be curious and respectful—not pressured or dismissive.
2. Take Your Time
You are not behind.
You are not slow.
You are not doing dating “wrong.”
Demisexual attraction unfolds at its own pace, and rushing yourself into physical or romantic milestones often leads to anxiety, shutdown, or disconnection.
Let yourself move slowly, and notice whether the other person can meet you there.
Someone who truly aligns with you will respect your timing.
3. Don’t Compare Yourself to Non-Demi Men
Comparison is one of the fastest ways to disconnect from your worth.
Watching others move quickly into sex or relationships can trigger the belief that something is wrong with you, but that’s simply not true.
Your capacity to lead with heart, presence, and emotional depth is not a deficit. It’s a strength.
You’re wired for meaningful connection, not surface-level validation.
4. Embrace Your Depth and Capacity for Intimacy
Rather than trying to fit into dating environments that don’t suit you, choose spaces that support emotional connection.
These might include:
- friendship-based social circles
- interest or hobby groups
- community events
- online spaces that encourage conversation over performance
Depth is your advantage. Go where it’s welcomed.
5. Strive for Pleasure-Based Sex, Not Performance-Based Sex
Many demisexual men struggle with sexual performance when they feel pressured to “do sex right.”
Pleasure-based sex focuses on:
- presence
- curiosity
- play
- mutual enjoyment
It’s not about staying erect the entire time or making ejaculation the goal.
When you release performance pressure and focus on giving and receiving pleasure, your body is more likely to respond naturally—especially when emotional safety is present.
6. Choose Dating Apps That Align With Your Needs
Not all dating apps are created equal.
Apps like Hinge or Bumble often allow for deeper profiles and more intentional conversation. Use that space wisely.
Be clear about what you’re looking for and how you experience attraction.
If hookup-focused apps leave you feeling dysregulated, pressured, or disconnected, it’s okay to step away. Dating should support your nervous system, not overwhelm it.
7. Communicate Your Needs and Boundaries Early
Many people are unfamiliar with demisexuality, so communication is key.
Share:
- what helps you feel safe
- what pace works for you
- what your boundaries are around intimacy
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re asking for compatibility.
A good match will listen, ask questions, and respond with care.
8. Trust Your Instincts
Your body often knows before your mind does.
If someone pressures you, minimizes your needs, or makes you feel like you have to override yourself to be desired, that’s important information.
The right person will respect your boundaries and not try to push past them.
Trust the signals your nervous system is giving you.
9. Enjoy the Connection That Comes From Owning Who You Are
When you stop trying to date like someone else, something powerful happens.
You attract people who:
- feel safe
- value emotional connection
- respect your pace
- genuinely see you
Dating doesn’t have to be a performance or a proving ground.
When you own your demisexuality, you open yourself up to rich, meaningful, and deeply satisfying connections.
Final Thoughts
Dating as a demisexual man may require more patience—but it also offers the possibility of deeper intimacy, greater authenticity, and more embodied sexuality.
You’re not broken.
You’re not too much.
You’re wired for connection.
And that’s something worth honouring.
If you want to level up on these 3 relational skills to have more security in your relationships, check out one of my upcoming online coaching programs. You can check them out below.
Lift your cheekbones,
Matt
